question
It is a hard choice, between sticking by the promises you made to yourself and your world, or revising and changing as your reality changes. This is perhaps the hardest choice of all. How do people dare get married? Is it worth being miserable just because you made a commitment? Is your word to yourself more important than change? A person has to adapt to new circumstance, but a person also has to be reliable. How to balance these two? I have had my whole worldview shaken more than once, and I do not know if I can really trust myself anymore. Do you think adulthood is marked my a certain dis-ease, an uncertainty and displacement of self that was never there before? Twice I was wrong. Once I failed even though I did my best. The great force fate was stronger than me, and I learned I am capable being beaten. And once I believed in a love for a person in the same way I love those few things I thought were indisputable, beyond the reaches of change. But that changed, and that love vanished. So how can I be sure of anything? And India above all else humbled me. I feel like for four years I've been pummeled repeatedly until the last shred of arrogance fled. Perhaps this was what I needed. But it has left me with a deep sense of uncertainty. I believe in making commitments, I believe that it brings depth and meaning to life, and I wholeheartedly believe in following through with them, or else they are so much empty air. But what do you do when things occur that were outside your realm of imagining? Do you make space for that and alter your commitment, honoring it but moving on with the wave of change? Or do you stick to it for the sake of personal integrity?